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Today I am writing not specifically because of Patriot Day, but because of another moment. Yesterday, after having written Within the Steel Orb, I wrote a brief letter and went to send a copy to Madeleine l'Engle, but then I learned the news: she had passed away earlier that day.
I believe it is fitting that during her last days I should be finishing and sharing Within the Steel Orb a work that owes much to her. I owed as much a debt to her as to any living author, and she is the only one of my favorite authors whose lifespan overlapped my own. The news of her death stung.
May her memory be eternal.
But that is not the whole story. I am starting up an excellent job soon, and I look forward to getting to know the people better. The job has God's fingerprints all over it. As I am moving forward, it is in the kairos moments that Madeleine l'Engle wrote of... and other good things as well.
There is a fresh page ahead of me in my life, and I look forward to reading it. Onward ho!
I like a moment in For Better or For Worse which goes roughly as follows:
[In heavy sleet, the father of the family hails a cab.]
Father: What a miserable day!
Cab driver: Actually, to me it is a very good day.
Father: What do you mean?
Cab driver: I am from Sudan. I have seen my friends shot and killed. I have a wife whom I have not seen in two years, and a son whom I have never seen. But each day brings a little money and leaves me that much closer to bringing my wife and child to America.
[The father looks thoughtful as he pays the cab driver.]
[In the next frame, he steps into his house.]
Mother: What a miserable day!
Father [placing an arm around his wife and their little girl]: Actually, to me it is a very good day.
Learning to be Orthodox has been humbling, and there have been some difficult things. However, I have many positives to look on. A few of them are:
I completed my master's in theology at Cambridge.
I've been invited to train for a teaching job; if all goes well, I'll be able to get some good experience teaching.
I've been accepted for a doctoral theology program at the Graduate Theological Union this fall, and may have other options as well.
I've had the opportunity to face some of my faults and get a better understanding of what it means to be Orthodox.
I've had the opportunity to make a number of small improvements to my website so it's more polished as a website.
I have many reasons for joy.
Against daunting obstacles, God has placed me back at Cambridge, in England, to study for an M.Phil. in theology. I am doing research on the holy kiss; the New Testament tells Christians several times, "Greet one another with a holy kiss," something that is very interesting theologically. It connects with love, respect, all of us being made in the image of God, the Holy Spirit, the Church as a family, and other things that are quite deep. I'm hoping to present a paper on it at a conference in February, for the Society of St. Sergius and St. Alban.
I am also hoping to be received into the Orthodox Church on either Christmas (25 December) or Epiphany (6 January). There are a lot of things about it that feel very much like home. The awe and sense of God's transcendence, incense and music, a living preservation of ancient ways of thought, practicing the holy kiss, and a fulness of Biblical interpretation and doctrine that my Evangelical upbringing helps me appreciate: all of these things draw me, but the primary reason is that it is true Church. One thing that bothered me as a Protestant is that the fragmented Church I was in seemed not to show the fullness of what the New Testament said that Church was. Orthodoxy has what was missing.
Since I last wrote, there have been continuing extraordinary difficulties and extraordinary providence. Last year, due to health trouble, Cambridge told me that regardless of performance I'd be allowed back. Now it doesn't look like they'll keep their word, even though I passed everything. I am also preparing for a job interview tomorrow, which would use data mining to try to understand what Christians believe and why certain problems exist in the Church.
This summer, I've rested and designed a search engine, The Data Mine. It's still at an early phase, but I designed it to let me search a theology classics collection, and it looks helpful in letting me do that. I'm feeling rather depressed that Cambridge looks like it's not going to happen.
It has been written that God works with us in a very particular way when we reach the point where things begin to unravel. Even though I have quite a lot to be thankful for--much more than my diploma from Cambridge--I'm reaching that point now.
I had been delaying writing because I was waiting for just one more thing to sort out before making my next post, then another, then another. I intended to write, "I am in Cambridge, studying theology, and everything is sorted out." Now I don't know when, or if, I can say that, but God is with me.
Before leaving for the University of Cambridge in England, I had been having medical problems, and one delay after another before my student loan was in place. After about eight months' work on getting funding, my student loan was in place one business day before I left. God resolved another major paperwork issue, but I'm still waiting to see how the health problems sort out. After I arrived on the second of October, my college did not have a place for me to sleep, and there was one day where I didn't know where I would spend the night. I still don't know where I'll sleep after tomorrow night.
To say that much is true so far as it goes, but misleading. I have seen both extraordinary difficulty and extraordinary providence. I am feeling stressed now, but there have been times when I felt exhilirated. Friends, one of whom I had not met before coming to Cambridge, had shown extraordinary hospitality. I was delighted to have a bicycle to run errands. I have had, throughout this time, a sense that I didn't know how God intended to provide, but that he would. I've been thinking about Jesus's words in the Sermon on the Mount: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" (Matt. 6:25-26, NIV) I have been in a delightful place, and God has been more real to me than he has been in a long time.
I'm hoping to use the year wisely; my schedule is relatively light, and I hope to publish articles and make contacts. If you'd like to pray for me, pray when you put your shoes on that God would bless this year of study.
Since I last wrote, I have begun teaching at DeVry. I have also been accepted by the faculty of divinity at Cambridge, to begin studying in the fall. I am quite happy about both. DeVry has given more than one nice surprise, and Cambridge--enough said. Other good things have also been happening. I've made relatively few website creations lately; I've been working hard and now applying creative energy to teaching. I'm working on getting financing squared away, and I am working to clear away one snag. The train ride to the DeVry campus where I teach (in Chicago) has a very nice view, and I want to cherish this time. It is for me, a time for prayer and much thanksgiving.
If you pray, please pray when you brush your teeth that I would:
Be led to the right college within Cambridge.
Be led to the right advisor.
Connect with the right funding.
For a long time, I've sought to cultivate silence and the discipline of a savoring pace. This winter finds me busier. I've learned something about consistent prayer; I am preparing a talk for my church's youth group and hope to later post it. I ask God each night to bless all of you who visit Jonathan's Corner; that and other prayers create a quiet amidst haste.
What looms large now?
I am preparing to return to school for a doctorate in theology, and be able to teach as a professor. I'd love to go to Oxford.
I submitted part of Firestorm 2034 to an editor interested in science fiction that grapples with both science and religion.
I'm trying to understand what I hope will become my third novel. The world is fascinating and is more challenging for me to write about than the others. It's like a hoard of gold, hidden in a labyrinth: you can only share it after a lot of searching. I'm trying to keep this from falling to the wayside.
There are other things going on: commitments to keep, and day-to-day errands both ordinary and spectacular. I'd ask fellow Christians to pray for my success in these endeavors, school in particular. (Pray for me when you brush your teeth!)