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A Cord of Seven Strands >
Chapter Two
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They continued several miles, and then Jaben pulled into a gas station, low on fuel. As he fueled up, Amos stepped out of the van and walked over.
"What do we do now?"
"Well, I think we're far enough away, and we're near Frank's Inn. It might be nice to sit and collect our thoughts there."
"Jaben, I like a good drink as much as you do--"
"--Miller Genuine Draft does not constitute a good drink--"
"--but do you really want the smell of a smoky tavern?"
"That's actually why I thought of Frank's. The new proprietor is allergic to cigarette smoke, and thought it would be nice to have one place in this county where people can have a good drink with their friends without having to breathe that stuff. I like the atmosphere there. People predicted that it would die out, but it's flourished."
"Frank's it is."
There was a moment's silence, as Jaben waited for the tank to fill up. He started to turn away to put the pump up, and Amos said, "You look like you have something to say."
"I know, but I can't think of what." He put the pump up. "It's one of those annoying times when you can't put your finger on what you want to say. I'll think of it later, as soon as you're not accessible."
Amos laughed a deep laugh.
Jaben walked in, paid, and drove to Frank's Inn.
As they walked in the door, Désirée breathed a sigh of relief. A large "Out of order" sign was on the television. There was some rock music playing, but even with the music the din was not too bad. They sat down around a table, and Jaben waved to the bartender.
A bartender walked over, and said, "Hi, my name's John. Will you be wanting something to eat?"
"Please," seven voices said in unison.
"I'll be back with menus in just a second. What can I get you to drink?"
"I'll have a cherry Coke," Thaddeus said.
"Sprite," Sarah said.
"A pint of Guinness," said Jaben, and winked at the bartender.
"MGD Lite," said Amos.
"I'm sorry," the bartender said, "We don't carry Miller. Can I get you something else?"
"Just give me the closest thing you have to a Miller."
"Ok."
"Strawberry daquiri," said Désirée.
"I'll have a glass of the house white," said Lilianne.
"A strawberry kir," said Ellamae.
"Oh, come, Belladonna, are you sure you wouldn't rather have a strawberry shake? It looks much more you," said Jaben.
Ellamae, who had somehow grown to womanhood without losing the beautiful visage of a little child, gave him a look you could have poured on a waffle.
"Could I see some ID, please?"
Ellamae, doing her best to keep a straight face, fished in her purse and procured a driver's license.
The bartender looked hard at the license, then at her, and said, "Thank you," returning the license, and walked off.
"Too bad he left," said Jaben. "He seemed to raise his eyebrows at hearing that name."
"Who asked you?" said Ellamae, trying to look cross while suppressing a laugh.
"Jaben, would you tell us--" said Amos.
"Shut up," laughed Ellamae.
Jaben continued. "Belladonna, n. In Italian, a beautiful lady. In English, a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues."
Ellamae, laughing, said, "Die, Jaben, die!"
Some more people walked in the door, and the bartender came back, set seven menus on the table, and began to distribute drinks. "A strawberry daquiri for you, a glass of the house white for you, a strawberry kir for you, a cherry Coke, a Sprite, a pint of Guinness, and -- aah, yes, the closest thing we have to a Miller." He set down a pint of ice-cold water.
Amos looked at his drink a second, and then burst into a deep laugh, shaking his head.
"Jaben, if you ever..." his voice trailed off.
The menus were passed around, and after a little discussion they decided to eat family style. They ordered a meat lover's pizza, a salad, and some French onion soup.
As the circle of friends sat and waited for the food, the song on the radio ended, and a news report came on. "The forest fire that we have all been worrying about is now burning. Starting somewhere near the campgrounds, it has been the subject of an evacuation effort. The rangers had a helicopter with a scoop at the lake for training exercises, and so the blaze should be put out speedily. Authorities are currently investigating the cause of the fire. Details coming up."
Thad sunk into his chair.
Lilianne caught his eyes. After looking for a second, she said, "Want to talk about it?"
"Not here."
"Want to take a walk outside, after dinner?"
Thaddeus nodded.
He really needs to talk -- thought Jaben -- but he's not in any hurry. Living in Malaysia for a couple of years has that effect. It changes your sense of time. It changes a lot of things.
Jaben longed to be back in France, longed for the wines, longed for the architecture, longed for the sophistication and the philosophical dinner discussions, longed for the language most of all.
"Tu as amis içi," Lilianne said in broken French. "You still have friends here."
Yes -- Jaben mused -- that was true. The friendships in this circle of friends are more friendships in French (or Malaysian) fashion than in the American sense, which is really closer to acquaintanceship than friendship. Here are friendships to grow deeper in, to last for lifetime instead of for a couple of years until someone moves. Here are kything friendships. That is something. And my friends know what is close to my heart, and give me things that mean a lot to me. Désirée, Lilianne, Ellamae, and Sarah each give me kisses when they see me, and Lilianne is taking the time to learn a little French. She doesn't believe me when I tell her, but she has the gift of languages. J'ai encore des amis içi. And God is the same God in France and America; from him come the best of both. Perhaps it would be fitting to give him thanks now.
Jaben brought his hands up to the table. "Shall we pray?"
The others joined hands. Amos said, "Lord, you are faithful, as you were faithful to Israel."
Désirée said, "Lord, you are vast enough to care for our smallest details."
Lilianne said, "Lord, you have the imagination to create all the wonders about us."
Ellamae said, "You are he who searches hearts and minds, and perceives our thoughts."
Thaddeus said, "You are the fount of all wisdom."
Sarah said, "You are the Artist."
Jaben said, "You are the worthy recipient of all our worship."
Then Amos said, "Lord, I confess to you that I have harbored wrath against my white brothers and sisters, and seen them first through the label of 'racist'."
There was a silence. Not a silence at Amos confessing a sin -- that was appropriate at that point of this form of prayer -- nor that he would be guilty of that particular sin. It was rather that he had the courage to admit it, even to himself. Ellamae was reminded of a time she had spoken with a Canadian and, after a long discussion, watched him finally admit that he was anti-American. Jaben squeezed Amos's hand, and said, "I love you, brother."
Finally Désirée said, "Lord, I have coveted the time of others."
Lilianne said, "Lord, I have been vain, and not always relied on your help."
Ellamae said, "Lord, I have held pride in my heart."
Thaddeus said, "Lord, I have ignored the prompting of your Spirit."
Sarah said, "I have been quick in temper, and impatient."
Jaben said, "I have also been proud, and been unwilling to embrace America as I have embraced France."
Amos said, "Thank you for the many friends and family" -- here he squeezed Désirée's hand -- " that I have."
Désirée said, "Thank you for the butterfly I saw today."
Lilianne said, "Thank you for washing us clean from sin."
Ellamae said, "Thank you for drawing us into the great Dance."
Thaddeus said, "Thank you for the helicopter."
Sarah said, "Thank you for letting me paint."
Jaben said, "Thank you for my time in France."
Amos said, "Please allow the fire to be extinguished quickly, and not to do damage to our meeting place."
Désirée said, "Please help me to know the hearts of my friends better."
Lilianne said, "Please draw my heart -- all our hearts -- ever closer to you."
Ellamae said, "Please bless my music."
Thaddeus said, "Hold me in your heart, and keep my steps safe."
Sarah said, "Bless my touch."
Jaben said, "Bless my wonderful friends."
There was a moment of silence, and then they raised their voices.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise him all creatures here below.
Praise him above, ye heav'nly host.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen.
The place grew a little more silent as their harmony filled the room. The stillness was finally broken by Amos saying, "I'm ready for some good food."
Sarah heard some noise behind her, and turned and looked -- there was a waiter bringing the food. As it was set on the table, she waited, and Thaddeus scooped some of the soup into her bowl. She took a sip, and said, "This is certainly turning out to be an interesting day."
Jaben reached his arm over her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "I don't know if I'm going to sleep like a rock tonight, or not be able to sleep at all."
Ellamae said, "Whenever you say that, you sleep like a rock."
Jaben mumbled, "I suppose."
Lilianne took a hearty scoop of salad. "What were we talking about earlier?"
Ellamae said, "Moral theology. Good and evil. Except that I don't think Jaben really wanted to talk about good and evil. I think he wanted to talk about something different."
"But he still wanted to talk about moral theology, like the rest of us," Désirée said.
"How was that again?" said Amos.
Jaben said, "One way to put it would be like this: if goodness is likened to health, and evil to disease and death, then most of the discipline of moral theology may be likened to a debate about the boundary that separates health from disease, life from death. That is certainly a legitimate area of study, but I think it is overemphasized. I would like to see a moral theology that is concerned with the nature of life itself, abundant life. I would like a moral theology that studies people as they dance rather than debate over the boundary line between a dying man and a fresh corpse."
"Aah, yes," Amos said.
Thaddeus said, "Western culture has a very disease-centered view of medicine. The point of medicine is to keep a person out of disease."
"What else would medicine be about?" said Sarah.
"Instead of trying to keep a person out of disease, keeping a person in health. We have some elements of this concept. Preventative medicine kind of makes this step, and gradeschool schedules have physical education. It is picked up by," Thaddeus shrunk back into his chair slightly, and mumbled the words, "New Age--"
He turned to Jaben, waiting for a wisecrack. When none came, he cleared his throat and said, "New Age is half-baked and goofy, and if you talk with a New Ager about medicine, you'll get some garbled version of an Eastern religion's balancing energies or whatnot, but at the heart of that goofiness lies a real idea of cultivating health, a health that is a positive concept rather than a negative concept. That is worth paying attention to."
Désirée said, "That's deep."
Thaddeus paused a second, chasing after a thought. The others read the expression on his face, and patiently waited. Ellamae took a piece of pizza.
"In China, people do -- or at least did -- pay doctors, not when they got sick, but when they were well. If you think about it, that difference in custom reflects a profound difference in conceptions of medicine."
Lilianne turned to Amos. "Amos, can you think of a difference in black custom that reflects your ways of thinking?"
Amos paused, looked like he was about to speak, and said, "Could I have a minute to think about that?"
Lilianne nodded.
Sarah said, "Today I had the idea for the coolest painting, and I started sketching it. It's in my studio -- a big watercolor, with all of the colors of the rainbow swirling together. The real essence of the picture, though, will take a lot of looking to see. In the boundaries between color and color lie the outlines of figures -- horses, unicorns, men fighting with swords, radiant angels."
Jaben said, "Interesting. Where did you get the idea to do that?"
Sarah said, "I don't know where I get my ideas from. I like color, moreso than shape even. I like Impressionist paintings. I guess I was just daydreaming, watching the colors swirl, and I had this idea." She smiled.
Thaddeus smiled, waited a moment, and then poked her in the side. Sarah squeaked loudly.
Jaben said, "Blessed are the ticklish--" and stopped, as Sarah's hands were covering his mouth.
"For the touch of a friend shall fill them with laughter," Amos said through a mouthful of pizza." Thaddeus poked Sarah again. She moved her hands to cover her side and her knee.
Jaben poked her in the other side. In her laughter, she began to turn slightly red.
"Ok, I thought of an answer to your question," Amos said to Lilianne. "Our family structures are different. Where you usually have a nuclear family living together and nobody else, we will often have not just a nuclear family but cousins, aunts, great-aunts, uncles... The extended family lives together, tightly knit. The difference has to do with how white culture is about individualism, and black culture is about community, in a sense. Three of the seven principles of Kwaanza -- Unity, Collective Work and Responsibility, and Cooperative Economics -- are explicitly community oriented, and all seven of them say 'we' and 'our' instead of 'I' and 'my'. We have all sorts of stories, but you'll have to look pretty hard to find a black Western."
"Was it hard way back when," Ellamae said, "hanging out with a group of otherwise white friends? Is it hard now?"
Amos said, "I'm not sure if you noticed then, but I didn't say 'Hi' to you when you walked by when I was with a group of black friends. It's just one of those things a black man doesn't do. It would be a lot harder if I didn't have some black friends and my family to be around. There are still some people who think I'm trying to act white by hanging around with you."
"And when you liked Country and Western," Désirée said.
"We all have our problems," muttered Thaddeus.
"And when I liked Country and Western, yeah. People say that if you don't like rap, you ain't black. Well, I like rap, but liking Country and Western is even worse in some folks' eyes than not liking rap."
Lilianne frowned. "Nobody thinks that a white man who listens to rap is trying to act black. I suppose that if I made heroic exertions to be like a member of some other race, people might think I was weird, but I can't imagine having to cut back on some part of being myself for fear of someone thinking I was trying to act Chinese."
Désirée nodded. "You got it, honey. It's hard for us."
Lilianne squeezed her hand.
Jaben turned to Amos and said, "There's something I've been meaning to ask you. Why did your parents name you 'Amos'? What with Amos and Andy and all, it seems a rather cruel name to give a little black boy."
Amos said, "I did get teased, and I ran home crying a couple of times. I asked them why. They explained to me what the name means -- 'strong', 'bearer of burdens', that it was the name of a prophet. Then, when I was older, they explained to me something else." Here his voice rose. "My parents were determined that Amos and Andy should not have the last word about what it means for a black man to be named Amos."
Ellamae nodded. "Your parents named you well. They are strong people. So are you."
"Thank you," Amos said.
"Who are Amos and Andy?" Sarah asked.
"Amos and Andy were a couple of black comedians who acted the perfect stereotype of black men before their audiences."
"Ok," Sarah said. "Kind of like Eddie Murphy?"
Désirée giggled.
"Uh..." Amos's voice trailed off. After a second, he said, "Jaben, help me out here."
"Eddie Murphy's humor is coarse, vulgar, and entirely without class. That stated, he invites his audience to laugh with him, and there is a glow of camaraderie about even Raw. Amos and Andy invited their audiences to laugh at them, to laugh at the stupid blacks. Eddie Murphy is the sort of comedian who would strengthen a racist impression of blacks, but the whole point of Amos and Andy is to pander to racism."
By this time, the food was mostly finished, and the bartender had brought the bill. They fished in their wallets for cash, paid the bill, bagged the remaining food (none of the pizza or soup was left, but there was still some salad), and got up and walked out. Ellamae caught Thad's eyes, and the two of them walked off.
Thad and Lilianne stepped out into the privacy of the street. A car passed by; it was twilight, hot but not humid.
"Riflery is one of the times I can most grow still," he said. "I never touched a gun in Malaysia -- was never interested in one, for that matter -- and the concentration of riflery is different from the laid-back attitude Malaysians hold. All the same, the slowing down of riflery is a special treat, the one thing you don't have to fight against hurry to do at its own, unhurried pace."
Lilianne walked in silence.
"I must have grabbed the wrong bottle. I remember something smelling funny. I ignored that funny smell, all through cleaning my gun, and with it ignored a gut feeling. I didn't want to know where that gut feeling led; I wanted to clean my gun, and then I wanted to shoot. I fired five rounds -- forty-six points -- and then shot the nail off the target. And when I looked, a fire had started."
Lilianne said, "You feel awfully guilty."
"Shouldn't I feel guilty? After starting a forest fire?"
"If I had done something like that, would you love me any less?"
They walked in silence past a couple on the street.
Lilianne wanted to speak, but knew the futility of winning an argument. "Amos loves you. Désirée loves you. Ellamae loves you. Jaben loves you. Sarah loves you. I love you."
The two walked on in silence, turned a corner.
"I'm also scared," Thaddeus said. "Will I get in trouble? Will I go to jail?"
"You are in God's hands," Lilianne said.
"I know, but it doesn't make me feel any better," Thad said.
Lilianne stopped walking, turned, and gave him a long, slow hug. "You are in God's hands," she said.
"Thanks, I needed that."
They turned, and walked back in silence. For Thad, it was a silence that was wounded, but also a healing silence, the silence of healing washing over a wound. For Lilianne, it was a praying silence, a listening silence, a present silence. They walked slowly, but the time passed quickly, and they were soon back at the cars, and met the others.
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